By Idalida Luna
I guess each one of us who
has left family members to live abroad have experienced guilty feelings on a
regular basis, those feelings may arrive naturally or may be a result of the pain
our loves ones express for such a distant separating us.
Although we know that
where we are and what we are doing is the best place to be and the best plan
God have for us, we as humans beings will always struggle with the pain and
guilt for leaving. Those feelings may be intensified if we have close family members
who need our physical, emotional or spiritual assistance or we are convinced that
there are any other available help close to them.
Therefore it will be good
to clarify our lines of responsibility. As we come to this world we arrive to
what is called a primary family, that family is composed of our parents and
siblings. As we marry our primary family
is the one we have formed including our children and husband. Although we love
and care for our extended family we do not have an obligation to care for their
need since more likely they have their own nuclear families that care and
provide for them. It is important that we delineate our responsibilities
because if not, we may feel guilty for all our extended family or allowed them
to make us feel guilty.
Let’s see some ways how to
cope with leaving loves one behind:
1. Try to keep in contact with your immediate
family. Now technology gives us so many
advantages that we can use a few resources and a few minutes to keep always in
touch. I have a young friend who keeps in touch with his father who lives far
away through Skype and chat. As he wakes up, he said good morning to his father
and tells him he is awake and will start with his daily routines. When he
comeback for school he told his father he is home and how was school on that
day; before going to bed, he chat a little more asking his father how was his
day. It is amazing how a few minutes at day keep father and son connected even
when they are miles and miles away
2. Reassure them that you care for them. When you
call them asked how are they doing, what is good and what is not going so well
over there, that will give them the assurance that you care and really are interested
in what is happening to them
3. Send them little tokens of your love, those
things no need to be expensive but originals, send them a special Bible text, a
“YouTube” song to starts their day, even a few word like “thinking about you
today” will do a miracle.
4. Keep a list of their special occasions like
birthdays, anniversaries. Those are the occasions that you cannot miss out; so
if you do not have a strong memory mark all those occasions in a visible
calendar; do not wait for the day to arrive to greet them. A Few days before write
to them and inquire what their plans are. Let them know that you wish that they
have a great time during that day.
5. Surprise them with unexpected tokens of your
care. Since you know what your family members love, made a well use of close
friends or other family member to surprise them from time to time with a token
of your love. When I went home on annual leave I left a small amount of money
with a family member so I can ask her to buy a bunch of flowers to deliver to
love ones for not special reason (it is much cheaper than making an overseas
order from a florist shop)
6. Plan something fun for your annual leave, give
them the main idea and invite them to give suggestions too. Choose an activity
where you can involve your whole family, tell them the possible dates, invite
them and ask for feed backs on how and what you can do for fun during those
day. It never fails to give our family a sense of hope and expectations, a lot
of motives for conversations and happy feelings of looking forward for our next
visit and the time we will spend together.
7. Plan to
spend your time and energies with the ones who need the most, We know who in
our family needs more support, make an effort to be there for them; because our
lives are not predictable be aware that the ones who needs us the most will probably
change from time to time due to illness, difficulties, aging or negative events
in their lives, encourage your family members to keep you informed when those
difficult moments occurs so you can be a blessing to your love ones even from
faraway lands.
8. Pray with them by phone or send them your
written prayers. It is amazing how a prayer over the phone can connect us with
our loves ones even if an immense sea separates us. Those few moments of
prayer, presenting their needs to our Heavenly Father break all the distances
and we feel like we are in the same room, very closer to them.
Just remember you are in a special mission
field and life can never be as we all wish to be, there are sacrifices that
need to be done. But as we do our best to keep connected with our loves ones
and provide for their needs, of the ones who are under our care, we have done
what we can; let’s put the rest in God’s loving hands.
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