Parting ways with people (and other beings) is part of the natural order
of life, teaching you to grow as a human being and helping you to come
to terms with life and its foibles. Through a small shift in
perspective, you can open up a new way of seeing separation that takes
you beyond your own sorrow. Within many a sad goodbye is often the
reality of more positive things, such as release, freedom, joy or even
new opportunities.
Part One: Saying goodbye to friends
1
Plan an appropriate time to talk before the departure.
Choose an enjoyable occasion––maybe over dinner, strolling down by your
favorite waterfront or spending time together doing something both of
you have always enjoyed. Remember that this is about making beautiful
last memories for both of you to hold onto.
2
Talk about the good times you've had.
Recount your funniest stories. Dig deep into your past: the things
you've done together, the things that happened while you were friends,
how you met.
3
Tell your friend how much he or she means to you.
Our friends tend to hold some of our most special relationships, they
are the ones with whom we share our thoughts and feelings and enjoy
similar interests together. Our friends make life more pleasant.
4
Make plans to stay in touch.
Try to commit to something concrete so that communication doesn't slip
away. For example, you can commit to doing one Skype chat a week to
catch up.
5
Make your goodbye personal.
Stay with your friend for as long as you can. Before you leave, and
when you leave, give them a hug, and say "It's not goodbye, it's just...
farewell until we meet again". You'll hopefully see each other again
someday.
Part Two: Saying goodbye to a family member
Saying goodbye to someone who's been with you all of your life,
raised you, or has been kind to you, takes its toll. We tend to have a
different relationship with our family than we do with other people in
our lives, for they have not only known us our whole lives, but are
often the people around whom we can truly be ourselves.
1
Spend as much time as you can with your family member.
If it's a set date at when they're leaving, invite them to do fun stuff
with you, look at a photo memory book, or just be together. They won't
mind if you cry a bit––if anything, they'll know you'll miss them. It
may also give them an opportunity to release their own emotions, knowing
it's safe to do so around you.
- If they do Skype, arrange it so that you can chat with them when
they're away. If they don't Skype, set up an account and show them how
to use it.
2
Be kind to yourself.
Feeling sad and crying is a natural way to release and express your
emotions. Only a person who has truly come to terms with the event and
transcended their feelings is able to wish goodbye in the face of the
sorrows of life. Releasing your emotions helps you get over your
feelings and it may help to know it's all done with and now you can move
on.
- If you're feeling angry, or if it's just how you get over things,
express yourself constructively. It'll help get your anger out and the
bad stuff inside of you can get out.
- They'll always be in your memory, and keep the thought that they'll probably be back. Time goes faster than you expect.
Part Three: Saying goodbye to a dying person
1
Accept it, forgive it and let it go.
Know that it's life, just like anything else––being born, and
living––death is part of that, it's a reflection of the nature of life.
2
Spend as much time with your loved one as possible. Be with him or her and support them.
- If the being you're saying goodbye to is a pet, give it a comfortable place next to you, and be with it.
3
Recognize and relinquish feelings of inadequacy.
Often, people feel they they have failed when they cannot save or keep
those they love. Sometimes they may feel rage or despair that no matter
what they have tried, it made no difference and that life once again,
has taken things away.
4
Say goodbye when it's time.
As sad as it is, many people don't get to even say goodbye to a loved
one before they pass. Where it is possible, be with the departing
person, comfort them and give your last regards and best wishes.
- One of the kindest gifts the living can give to the dying is the
blessing to take the next journey. Be reassuring and tell them it's okay
and simply be there for them.
Part Four: Saying goodbye to a co-worker
1
Buy a card. Ask the whole staff sign it with their best wishes. Encourage personalization.
2
Be open and friendly.
It's important to let a departing co-worker know where you stand. If
you want to keep in contact, let them know they are free to email,
consult or simply catch up. You never know when an old work colleague
may have some advice to share, or where you could assist them.
- Asking for an e-mail address or phone number can be comforting, so that you can still talk with them.
- Be honest with both yourself and your co-worker. If you have no
intentions of staying in touch, don't ask for contact details. It can
leave a departing co-worker wondering about your sincerity, especially
in the case of retirement, being made redundant or going off to raise
children where ties with work tend to get severed.
3
Spend some personal, one-to-one time with your departing co-worker.
Invite them out to dinner or a movie. While there may be an office
send-off, this will never take the place of personalized goodbye events.
- On the day your co-worker leaves, give them a hug and a "Goodbye for
now" because you always have the chance of seeing them again!
Part Five: Coming to terms with separation
1
Explore why we part ways.
Sometimes it's merely so that the person can take a short holiday or
take a few days away on school or business trips. Sometimes it's the
need to go away to school or to move across states or even to a new
country for a few years. While some partings are temporary, others are
permanent, such as those brought about by death, divorce or emigration.
- Where it is permanent, it can feel deeply sorrowful and bring about a
sense of eternal loss; even temporary loss can bring with it great
sorrow at not having a special person around to talk to or share things
with, and it can be laced with fears of permanent loss.
2
The manner in which we
separate can give you greater cause to feel negative, for example, if
you parted in anger, regret or on unhappy terms. Ideally parting should occur on good terms but this is not always the case.
3
Acknowledge your sense of loss and regret.
Often fear can arise when parting from another, as you don't always
know or become aware of the full realities involved. Questions of
uncertainty may beset you, such as:
- Does this person intend to return?
- Is there an afterlife where you will see this person again?
- Are the angry words you parted with the last thing you'll ever get to say to this person?
4
Make the parting moment count.
Parting on good terms and leaving one another with expressions of good
wishes can make all the difference to your well being down the track.
- It's often said that the parting moment is remembered well beyond the times you have spent with the person now gone.
- Even if you feel deep sorrow, a sense of anger or mounting
frustration about the impending departure, it pays to reflect in advance
on how to make the best of the separation, for the very sake of your
future sense of inner peace.
5
Find the joy in parting.
It is not set in stone how we should feel, not even if there are family
or societal traditions that you feel obliged to emulate, so you can
make the parting moment as good as it can be.
- Think of times when saying goodbye fills us with joy, such as saying goodbye to the winter as we look toward the joy of spring.
- It may help to rustle up your sense of humor in the face of the bleakness of goodbye.
- It might be the time to draw together a scrapbook of good time memories or to find the old photo album.
- For those who are carrying the burden of anger or revenge, it is a
time to find deep forgiveness for something you have long held against
this person.
6
Plan ways you can keep in regular contact if possible.
In a world of remarkable interconnectedness, where phones, the Internet
(email, Facebook, Twitter, etc.) and snail mail keep us just one click
or read away, we have no excuses to stay strangers anymore. There are
very few ways that contact cannot be made.
7
Ease the sorrow of permanent loss.
Permanent loss brings deep sorrow for most people. It may also be a
time for relief––a notion some struggle with but for the gravely ill
person in pain, death is a release from suffering. Yet even in permanent
loss, there must be space for acknowledging the good things, such as
the benefits this person brought to the world and the good that they
did.
- Make a card and put it on the gravestone. This is a comforting and
very personal way to say goodbye. It may be read by others, it may not
be––but perhaps if it is read, it may also bring them comfort too.
- Send the departed––and yourself––good wishes. Remembering does not
always have to be an unpleasant experience and not always a futile one.
Much can be learned when we reflect on the changing nature of life.
- Remember this person by treating your own life as precious, choosing
not to waste it. This includes refraining from harming yourself.
- Perform more positive actions for others, such as giving more of your time to those in need.
- Socially speaking, this is not always something you have to do
alone. Much benefit can be gained by collaborating with friends, family
and other caring people. If it's a friend, spend time with their family
if appropriate and consider ways to help them feel better.
Part Six: Dealing with post separation issues
1
Observe your emotions.
It does not take long to recognize that feelings continue to arise,
showing us that we have not truly come to terms with them yet.
2
Be kind to yourself and others.
Expressing your feelings is an important release mechanism, but one
that can too easily go out of control. Express yourself creatively and
constructively––engage in art or other projects, learn new skills or
talk about something the person you've said goodbye to with a trusted
person.
3
Learn meditation. Meditation and its various applications such as mindfulness, compassion, kindness, gratitude, equanimity and even mindfulness of death can all be used for individuals to come to terms with their feelings.
- Unless you are already experienced at meditation, it is recommended
that you practice and seek training with another experienced person
first. Even seeking a teacher can be a source of constructive moving on.
4
Communicate regularly.
Remember, there are a lot of fish in the sea! If it is someone who is
still alive, give them a call or email. If it is a person who has passed
on, or for people who parted ways and do not wish to communicate,
communicate with others so that you can understand that you do not have
to be alone. By remaining in touch with other people, you remain
connected to the world.
Tips
- Remember, it's okay to cry.
- Saying goodbye is often made all the more difficult when you see the
separation solely from your own perspective. In choosing to see the
removal of a person from your life as something to be endured, you can
place an unbearable burden on the person leaving to try and console your loss, when only you have the ability to do that.
- It's wise to reflect that while the world is in front of you to make
a fresh start, you still can connect with where you came from.
- While distance between you and another can feel like a cruel lesson,
it can also teach you joy and gratitude. Indeed, learning to come to
terms with parting ways healthily is one of the greatest skills you can
master. While "parting is such sweet sorrow",[1]
discovering how to transform the sorrow of the parting into cherishing
the time you have had together is an art worth cultivating.
- Should you lose somebody you love, especially a family member, don't
try not to think of them. Talk about them with others who knew and
loved them- share funny stories, memories, habits and quotes.
Original post
http://www.wikihow.com/Say-Goodbye
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