A: I wish I had had more realistic expectations.
Many
girls and young women have unrealistic ideas of romantic bliss in
marriage, without seeing the problems or day-to-day efforts needed to
make a marriage work.
Missions is no different. In most missionary presentations, we hear only about the victories and great things the Lord is doing. I think that is for two reasons. First, missionaries are trying to recruit people into the work, so they strongly emphasize the positive side. Second, most people, and maybe especially missionaries, don't want to be vulnerable and reveal that they have problems. This is not helped by the fact that church people want to put missionaries on a super-spiritual pedestal for being willing to sacrifice and live under harsh conditions. So, it's important to talk with missionaries one-to-one to hear their struggles as well as their victories.
Another common fallacy is that the lost are crying out for someone to tell them the gospel. There may be the rare exception (in Papua New Guinea, one tribe did build a church in anticipation of the missionaries coming to tell them the good news), but in general, the lost are blinded just as the Jews are. They are not searching for God and are living deceived in the darkness of their blinded condition. We will most commonly find indifference to the message, and at worst, we'll experience downright opposition.
Missionaries who think they're going overseas to do a great work for Jesus amuse me. First, we merely participate in the work God is already doing. This is well explained in the book Experiencing God, by Henry Blackaby. Of course, all our friends at home will tell us what a great and wonderful thing we're doing. Then WHAM! We come face-to-face overseas with all our inadequacies and weaknesses. We realize how much we're actually going to have to depend on God to see something accomplished. Many missionaries, when confronted with the reality of living in a foreign culture and the time needed to influence people, simply become discouraged, turn around, and come home. Only when we realize our total dependence on God, wait on him, and work with him do we finally see some beautiful fruit.
Missions is no different. In most missionary presentations, we hear only about the victories and great things the Lord is doing. I think that is for two reasons. First, missionaries are trying to recruit people into the work, so they strongly emphasize the positive side. Second, most people, and maybe especially missionaries, don't want to be vulnerable and reveal that they have problems. This is not helped by the fact that church people want to put missionaries on a super-spiritual pedestal for being willing to sacrifice and live under harsh conditions. So, it's important to talk with missionaries one-to-one to hear their struggles as well as their victories.
Another common fallacy is that the lost are crying out for someone to tell them the gospel. There may be the rare exception (in Papua New Guinea, one tribe did build a church in anticipation of the missionaries coming to tell them the good news), but in general, the lost are blinded just as the Jews are. They are not searching for God and are living deceived in the darkness of their blinded condition. We will most commonly find indifference to the message, and at worst, we'll experience downright opposition.
Missionaries who think they're going overseas to do a great work for Jesus amuse me. First, we merely participate in the work God is already doing. This is well explained in the book Experiencing God, by Henry Blackaby. Of course, all our friends at home will tell us what a great and wonderful thing we're doing. Then WHAM! We come face-to-face overseas with all our inadequacies and weaknesses. We realize how much we're actually going to have to depend on God to see something accomplished. Many missionaries, when confronted with the reality of living in a foreign culture and the time needed to influence people, simply become discouraged, turn around, and come home. Only when we realize our total dependence on God, wait on him, and work with him do we finally see some beautiful fruit.
A: I wish I had known how difficult missions really is.
I
would have gotten more cross-cultural training, especially focused on
the culture to which I was going. I would have taken more time in
language learning. But most of all, I needed realistic expectations.
Working in a foreign field is the same as being in a war. I know. I've
fought in both and the similarities are striking. There is not much
glorious about warfare. It may look exciting on TV or in the movies, but
in the trenches it's a lot of hard work. And the enemy has ambushes
everywhere. Often you can't tell the enemy from the friendly. And your
friends get injured and killed. It hurts.
The culture won't make a bit of sense and you'll even resent the people sometimes, or think how they do things is ridiculous. But you will learn how to live there. You'll learn new cultural cues. You'll begin to see how they do make sense in your new culture. And in the learning, you'll grow to love the people. So learn to laugh at yourself!
Don't give up! When you go, determine that you're going to stay. It's like God meant marriage to be. It won't always be easy, but make it work! Don't expect the other person to change. Change as you need to. And there's probably no better environment to promote change in us than working in another culture.
The culture won't make a bit of sense and you'll even resent the people sometimes, or think how they do things is ridiculous. But you will learn how to live there. You'll learn new cultural cues. You'll begin to see how they do make sense in your new culture. And in the learning, you'll grow to love the people. So learn to laugh at yourself!
Don't give up! When you go, determine that you're going to stay. It's like God meant marriage to be. It won't always be easy, but make it work! Don't expect the other person to change. Change as you need to. And there's probably no better environment to promote change in us than working in another culture.
A: I wish I had known more about myself and being patient.
The following are some things nobody told me, but I'm telling you:
Boredom is real. I heard that before I left my home country. But now I have long periods of down time that I used to fill so easily at home. The first two months or so in a new place are the hardest, since you're establishing new friendships and a new pattern of life.
Knowing yourself is very important. I have been stretched a phenomenal amount, especially in the first months of my assignment. If you have any hidden personal issues, God will bring them to light. Be willing to deal with them as they come up; don't push them away. God needs to break you in order to use you.
Be teachable, and be a lifelong learner. It's easy to depend only on your ability to figure it out once you get there, since firsthand knowledge may seem more dependable than book knowledge and theories. It's not true. Know before you go.
It takes time to ease into the structure. At home, I had lots of energy to fill my day from early morning to late at night. But overseas, I tire so quickly. Realize that being stretched physically, emotionally, and spiritually as well as facing a new culture, language, and living situation wears you out. It's okay to slow down. Being a missionary is not about being superhuman and accomplishing a long list each day. Some days all you'll accomplish is a trip to the grocery store or a government office. It's about trust, obedience, and hearing the Master's voice.
Boredom is real. I heard that before I left my home country. But now I have long periods of down time that I used to fill so easily at home. The first two months or so in a new place are the hardest, since you're establishing new friendships and a new pattern of life.
Knowing yourself is very important. I have been stretched a phenomenal amount, especially in the first months of my assignment. If you have any hidden personal issues, God will bring them to light. Be willing to deal with them as they come up; don't push them away. God needs to break you in order to use you.
Be teachable, and be a lifelong learner. It's easy to depend only on your ability to figure it out once you get there, since firsthand knowledge may seem more dependable than book knowledge and theories. It's not true. Know before you go.
It takes time to ease into the structure. At home, I had lots of energy to fill my day from early morning to late at night. But overseas, I tire so quickly. Realize that being stretched physically, emotionally, and spiritually as well as facing a new culture, language, and living situation wears you out. It's okay to slow down. Being a missionary is not about being superhuman and accomplishing a long list each day. Some days all you'll accomplish is a trip to the grocery store or a government office. It's about trust, obedience, and hearing the Master's voice.
A: I wish I had known about language learning and missionary relationships.
Most
adults do not know how to handle the humiliation of learning a new
language, of having people give them confused stares, just outright
laughing at them, or becoming angry because you're in their country and
can't speak the language. Many people in my language school suffered
from loss of identity and inferiority. These were well-educated people
who had been successful in their occupations back home. Now they were
learning language full-time and couldn't understand why they were having
such a hard time. Being smart does not guarantee that you will find
learning language easy.
Never assume that you and your colleagues are going to be one big happy family. Generally you can't choose who you're going to work with, and no one is going to hit it off with everybody. So you may find that your colleagues have different interests and backgrounds that you can't relate to well. You may find that they do things that are quite irritating to you, or have major problems with anger, critical spirit, gossiping, etc. Good relationships take a lot of time and effort, but they are important.
Never assume that you and your colleagues are going to be one big happy family. Generally you can't choose who you're going to work with, and no one is going to hit it off with everybody. So you may find that your colleagues have different interests and backgrounds that you can't relate to well. You may find that they do things that are quite irritating to you, or have major problems with anger, critical spirit, gossiping, etc. Good relationships take a lot of time and effort, but they are important.
A: I wish I had learned about spiritual warfare.
I wish I had known more about my relationship to God and about spiritual warfare. Victory Over the Darkness
by Neil T. Anderson is one book every Christian should read. This book
helps us understand and recognize spiritual warfare. Wherever we're
living right now, we are in the middle of a battle. We need to
understand the nature of that battle so that we can be victorious over
our enemy. When we cross into another culture, where Satan has built
strongholds for centuries and where cultural cues vary, the battle looks
different. However, our victory over the powers of darkness is still in
Christ.
Editor's Note: In addition to Neil T. Anderson's book, see also Spiritual Warfare for Every Christian by Dean Sherman.
Editor's Note: In addition to Neil T. Anderson's book, see also Spiritual Warfare for Every Christian by Dean Sherman.
A: I wish I had known how difficult long-term fruit really is.
On
a short-term, you may go to a responsive area and see numerous
decisions for Christ. But among less responsive people groups,
missionaries often struggle with spiritual infertility. Sometimes those
who make a decision may not follow through. On a short-term, you saw
people pray for salvation and then you were back on the plane. But as a
long-term missionary, you may discover that this "convert" no longer
even wants to see you.
If you want to see people saved, you need to spend time with non-Christians. But we were amazed at how much of our time was tied up in fellowship with other missionaries, people in the church, other national pastors, and friends who visited. We started to ask, "When was the last time we saw a non-Christian?" Then God led us to make contact with a pre-Christian every day. As part of this we invited families over for dinner once a week. Though few outsiders would come to a church meeting, no one turned down a dinner invitation!
Missions is sometimes a huge challenge. During our darkest days I would read Hebrews 11 aloud twice a day and pray for the faith to keep going. One day I continued into the next chapter and read Hebrews 12:11, which says, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful." I wondered if the Lord was disciplining me. Had I been disobedient? Then I read Hebrews 12:7 "Endure hardship as discipline. God is treating you as sons." Then I saw it. The hardship is something that God brought into my life. Then I reread verse 11 and exchanged the word discipline for hardship. "No hardship seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Like a good marriage, effective missions takes work. But it's worth every bit of it, too.
If you want to see people saved, you need to spend time with non-Christians. But we were amazed at how much of our time was tied up in fellowship with other missionaries, people in the church, other national pastors, and friends who visited. We started to ask, "When was the last time we saw a non-Christian?" Then God led us to make contact with a pre-Christian every day. As part of this we invited families over for dinner once a week. Though few outsiders would come to a church meeting, no one turned down a dinner invitation!
Missions is sometimes a huge challenge. During our darkest days I would read Hebrews 11 aloud twice a day and pray for the faith to keep going. One day I continued into the next chapter and read Hebrews 12:11, which says, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful." I wondered if the Lord was disciplining me. Had I been disobedient? Then I read Hebrews 12:7 "Endure hardship as discipline. God is treating you as sons." Then I saw it. The hardship is something that God brought into my life. Then I reread verse 11 and exchanged the word discipline for hardship. "No hardship seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Like a good marriage, effective missions takes work. But it's worth every bit of it, too.
A: I wish I had known how nationals view the economic status of missionaries.
My
standard of living is drastically lower in a developing country. But no
matter what level one lives at, the fact remains that you will always
be considered wealthy in the eyes of the nationals. And in fact, you are
wealthy. In our local currency $2,000 US dollars would equal a million,
so almost all the missionaries are "millionaires" here. And even if you
find it hard to live on the support you receive from back home, you
still had enough to pay a ticket to come here, whereas your everyday
national could never pay a plane ticket to visit another country.
Also, one encounters the common idea that it is the duty of those with more money to distribute it to help others. So the nationals will never look at someone who has more money than them and lives at a higher level than them, and drives a car, as someone who is making a sacrifice. Don't expect to be congratulated or thanked for the sacrifices you made to come. Americans in particular (and I speak as one) seem to have the idea that we must be constantly affirmed. Better get over that before heading overseas.
Another fallacy is that nationals should applaud that you have "sacrificed all" to bring them good news about Jesus. The reality is that they probably won't give a hoot! Many missionaries go with the idea that they should be "appreciated" by the nationals for the sacrifices they have made. And of course we cannot serve God if we are not appreciated! Pray to be humbled now, before going out and being humbled overseas. Of course, depending on your job (doctor, nurse, well-digger), you might be better received than just a general evangelist. Or if you come to work a specific job by the church, they will be more appreciative than non-Christians. But I guarantee there will always come a time when you will feel that you are not "appreciated" (whether by the church, the heathen, or even your own colleagues).
Also, one encounters the common idea that it is the duty of those with more money to distribute it to help others. So the nationals will never look at someone who has more money than them and lives at a higher level than them, and drives a car, as someone who is making a sacrifice. Don't expect to be congratulated or thanked for the sacrifices you made to come. Americans in particular (and I speak as one) seem to have the idea that we must be constantly affirmed. Better get over that before heading overseas.
Another fallacy is that nationals should applaud that you have "sacrificed all" to bring them good news about Jesus. The reality is that they probably won't give a hoot! Many missionaries go with the idea that they should be "appreciated" by the nationals for the sacrifices they have made. And of course we cannot serve God if we are not appreciated! Pray to be humbled now, before going out and being humbled overseas. Of course, depending on your job (doctor, nurse, well-digger), you might be better received than just a general evangelist. Or if you come to work a specific job by the church, they will be more appreciative than non-Christians. But I guarantee there will always come a time when you will feel that you are not "appreciated" (whether by the church, the heathen, or even your own colleagues).
A: I wish I knew how to deal with conflict.
When
you want a job you usually put on your best for your prospective
employer; it's like a first date, you hide all the bad and accentuate
the positive. Unfortunately, I discovered after two failed attempts to
work with missions agencies, this not a good way to "get married" to a
sending organization.
I fell in love too fast, accentuated my and their positive points, and didn't ask the critical question, "How do they fight through a problem?" Neglect to do this and you could get seriously hurt.
When you know how a spouse, boss, friend, co-worker, pastor, or mission agency resolves conflict, you will know your chances of being able to have a long-term relationship with them. Nice Christians who resort to threats, gossip, slander, lawsuits, giving the silent treatment, bullying etc. don't tell you up front this is how they deal with conflict. You have to know them well before you commit to a long-term relationship. So find out how they fight before you sign up.
Ken Sande's ministry has an abundance of information how to deal with conflict biblically. Reform your own conflict resolution methods first, then look for other peacemakers you can work with.
I fell in love too fast, accentuated my and their positive points, and didn't ask the critical question, "How do they fight through a problem?" Neglect to do this and you could get seriously hurt.
When you know how a spouse, boss, friend, co-worker, pastor, or mission agency resolves conflict, you will know your chances of being able to have a long-term relationship with them. Nice Christians who resort to threats, gossip, slander, lawsuits, giving the silent treatment, bullying etc. don't tell you up front this is how they deal with conflict. You have to know them well before you commit to a long-term relationship. So find out how they fight before you sign up.
Ken Sande's ministry has an abundance of information how to deal with conflict biblically. Reform your own conflict resolution methods first, then look for other peacemakers you can work with.
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