Resolving Conflict In A Missionary Team

Three years ago, if someone had told me that my roommate while living overseas would one day fly across the world to be a bridesmaid in my wedding, I might have fainted.
We were the classic example of two opposites that God put together to sharpen, grow, and mature each other.  We began our time together in tears – of “oh no, what did we get ourselves into?!” and ended our time with the tears of parting best friends.  God knew what he was doing when he put us together, but it was not without many difficult conflicts along the way.
Overseas workers are particularly susceptible to conflict for a few reasons. For one, we are all sinners who need to be reminded of, and changed by, the Gospel daily. Also, God has created us with different talents, ways of thinking, and gifts of the Spirit in order to make a complete Body, where we smooth out each other’s “rough spots”.  Sometimes that is uncomfortable! More so, Satan is fighting against the Gospel going forth to every nation.  What better way to stop it than to render God’s missionaries ineffective due to sin and conflict? Likewise, culture shock and isolation can bring out the worst in people.
Because of these factors, it’s not a matter of if but when and how your team will experience conflict.  The more diligent you are to prevent it, however, means less occurrences and more redemptive resolutions.
1.      Decide from the beginning to live in submission to the Bible’s teaching on unity in the church, and verbalize your expectations for one another.
For Example:

• We will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21)
• Gossip, slander, and passive aggression will not be tolerated. (Eph. 4:31, Col. 3:8, 1 Pet. 2:1)
• We will respond to each other’s concerns by listening first, and responding with the love and grace we’ve been shown in Christ. (Proverbs 15:1)

2.      Foster open communication.

• Leaders and members should set aside time for fun, quality connection and communication to build trust.
• If something bothers you, be brave and humbly share your thoughts with that other person.  Both of you will learn a lot about each other that way, and it will build pathways of communication to guide you through larger disagreements.

3.      Model a lifestyle of repentance.

•  It is essential that everyone in the group regularly, openly confesses to their own personal brokenness, and gives glory to God for saving them and using them (grace).
• People respond to sin not with “do better next time” legalism, but with the gospel of joy and love that embraces the sinner and points them to Jesus, the ONLY perfect One, and the Power at work in us and in the country we’re trying to reach.
• If someone is despairing, the community is quick to remind them of the gospel and to step into their troubles with compassion.

A few Guideposts to get you through Team Conflict:
1.      Change begins with you.

• Allow the Lord to search your heart – ask Him to reveal any idols of your heart that might be causing you to react wrongly or harbor bitterness.  How is God seeking to sanctify you through this?
•  Seek to learn more about the person (s) who are in conflict with you.  What makes them feel respected?  What brings them joy?  How do they bond with friends?  What communicates appreciation to them?  How are they doing emotionally – what might they be needing from you that you haven’t been giving them?
• Continue to live life together, doing things that humbly demonstrate love & brotherhood to them.  Don’t give into the impulse to push them away.
• Many fights are caused by misunderstandings or deep insecurities – when you take the time to get to know this person and love them, great works of healing can happen.

2.      Remember God’s Sovereignty

• God put you with these people/ persons for very good reasons.
• Opposites are oftentimes the best partners – but only if they recognize the value in one another.  Ask the Lord to show you the ways that your teammates balance you, the gifts they have that you don’t, and vice versa.  Seek to cultivate that, and share your appreciation with them.

3.      Seek outside counsel if necessary.

• Sometimes we need someone outside of our situation to speak into it, especially if one party has given up seeking resolution.
• Choose someone that you both trust and respect who is in a neutral position to mediate one or more sessions where you are both held accountable to biblical truth, and are able to freely share both sides of your experience.

-J. is a Sojourner that worked overseas in a Muslim country.

 

Original post  http://international.sojournchurch.com/?p=3848